My shell is shedding itself and I’m flaking off shards of glass. I don’t want my blind and barefoot disciples to torture their soles any longer, so I think it’s time I metamorphosize my ravaged eyes and let the ineffable ghosts flee from the forests of hair standing up on the back of my neck. Change shakes my brittle bones and shocks my nerves but I really can’t find the will to complain, the sense of pride in the pain I feel has compelled me to propel myself far enough ahead of the pack of brutes and demagogues. I want change. I need you. I will become you me.
April 2011
125 posts
maybeyoudon’tshineasbrightlyasyouthoughtyouoncedid
maybe you’re not meant for the spotlight.
Everybody’s number one, but you’re yet to be called.
March 2011
107 posts
I’ve run out of words-
I don’t want this anymore
please let yourself rest tonight, you haven’t found much reconciliation in your ability to endlessly rhyme paradigms with arid cries to the night sky who’s stars plunder your vapid mind of anything more meaningful than the scraps of books and lipstick containers hung on the ceilings you’ve placed on your feelings in order to prevent the darkness from seeping in. You’ve never been able to differentiate between what’s wrong for you and someone else but you’re always cognizant of the obdurate misdeeds you implore yourself to commit, fucking misfits never quit at finding ways to take lit cigarettes and empty breaths and bottle them into a wicked concoction of regret and the stench of lost bets in a blind effort to main line the sorrowful sins they let themselves compress and compact into trinkets and bygones to be shelved by the paragons who’s fables and parables are rendered irrelevant to the sleepless mind gone insane and deaf from the echoes of time.
Please release your grip on conscious thought, you’re too young to be cynic. Take the words of a critic, you’re endless bounty is your premier limit.
Am I but the extraneous fluid seeping from the confines of the stitchings
in leather jacketed palms?
Do I rot like the engravings in the fabric coating barren skin?
Has it occurred to you that, somehow, I have been caught in the zipper,
being tossed between each outfit and face you wear through another sunset?
Perhaps this is just me having my thoughts whipped about me in the spin cycle.
The detergent and stain removers are slowly blotting out my words and fragments
so as to alleviate the stress of forgetting the one person who left himself ripe enough
to be exposed to the ailments of maggots and overtly clothed
this my excuse for letting your sueded shoulder blades cock my back
into the synapses of the unknown. I am the lint, the collection of cells
you thought you’d shed.
The day the sun left his arms wide enough to say goodbye to mercy’s undeniably mundane kin, was the day our candles faded into the solitude of the night. He locked himself away that night, when the two forces met over a game of chess and spoiled coffee. Stained teeth and cheshire smiles littered both parties debates as to whether or not there was hope left to contain the unwinding fallacies of the universe.
“She’s a wily one, never been the one to conform to the constraints of matter and theory” said the sorrowful sun. “I’ve grown too old to burn bridges and break bonds with the hopes that old flames can still flicker bright enough to set alight the past”
The undeniably ignorant children stroked the coarse hairs on the suns ankles, gazing into the words he laid flat and plain on canvas and tearing out the meaning for their own interpretations. The conglomerate of misery and monotony took on the shape of a crow, stalking it’s prey. But they all were cognizant that the newspaper shreds and decaying bones that they picked dry were not the catch of the day.
“You see, now here is where we strike a deal.” Said the boldest of all of those on the run. “If you were to never show your smiling face around here again, the only thing that would change would be the rags on our back and the sandals strapped to our feet. My soles are tired, give us a taste of defeat.”
Thus spawned the day that the sun hid himself away in the highest of all mountaintop perches, waiting for the day his temper flares and solar justice would once again be accepted in modern day irony.
When we learned to accept hope as nothing more than four letters to be dashed upon the rocks, came the moment that the sun burned himself out and let the crust of the lonely earth reclaim his hollow soul.
confined to the crawlspace between bedsides tables and morning after fables
the blood we shared was enough to provide for a story to tell at parties,
I’m sorry you’ve never grown enough bone tissue and muscle mass to hold your head
above the standards of the lower class. How does it taste, inhaling the squalor
of ignorance and valor? I’m sure it’s enough to taint your tongue with freshly minted
mistakes embroidered on hemp and cotton. Dollars signs fall from your eyes.
The cents and change sympathize with a limited intellectual range
I know that the longer I twirl your curls I’ll find myself coiled in their stringy horror shop of emotional entrapment. The more I show my face around your windowsill the more time I will have to invest in hoping my stocks don’t burn out and crash and leave me lifeless on the curb…again. I’d love to slide down the contours of your cheeks once more, skate across your glassy eyes and dance through the meadows of dandruff and split ends until I find myself buried in the comfort of apathy. You’ve never been the one for looks but my eyes were snagged on your coat hangers and ever since then I’ve been working hard to lift myself from the grip of your skin. Static charges bring us closer, heated. The friction tenses the thin air and snakes around your steps into clouds, our eyes meet again but they’re vacant; someone’s moved out.
Alas, if you had paid your thoughts any attention, maybe they wouldn’t be so whiny. I’ve sat and scrawled my heart into stone and bared it naked for the world to see yet you take my pale words and lay them flat about your sewing table. Splicing them with tremendous skill, you’ve managed to consummate years of emotion into a few generalized terms. For starters, unworthy. On another note, unflattering. Finally, unnerving.
My smile may jeer yours and veer you astray but rest assured I’ll keep my distance and measure the time it takes for you and the walls around us to hone in on my core. It’s magnetic, trust me, too many things stick to me and I can never seem to let go.
Maybe that’s the problem, with loving so young. We may be prepared and enduring, but our souls lack the ability to discern between disrepair and discontentment. The longer I press my thoughts between two pillows and an empty pen I’ll drag my limp shell like a hermit crab across the beach grass. Maybe I’ll nest myself in a cove, or cover myself with sand. A bit of camouflage for the hides I’ve tanned.
velvet shackles and corduroy braces entrap denim bones and busted faces
The twisted joints of waves one hundred feet high crash at the tip of the lighthouses breached door and heart valves, and the pressure of the seas sweep away the rationale from my feet. It’s a clean sweep of nature reclaiming what was lost, organically decaying beasts regurgitating the sea foam from the spaces in their fangs, because the oceans and waves don’t agree with the brave. Engorged metal with a voracious appetite for the blind and meager, kelp and brittle coral chip away into the particles clouding the still water stagnating beneath the vapid hand motions of the churning tides. Concrete splattered with dingy rain drops and the tears of the sea, a flickering light cascades the foggy night like a sandstorm, cradling the riveters with a solace like the silence felt when the clouds clear their names of the waves.
The water line rises high enough to tickle our foreheads as our lungs fill with the rush of life and plankton; we are caught in the water supply, to be feasted upon by thirsty wells digging through enough soil to find us, the reclaimed ones.
We are tossed and turned between watery bed sheets soaked with the sorrows of a night time parade. We are thrashed about the hull of the nameless fishing vessels making their name on landmarks and shells of themselves. As our skulls compress on hollow steel and rusted brackets, we are one with what our mothers always wanted us to be. Liquid and porous, rushed out to sea.
Words cannot describe this feeling, but I think I found one.
Apathy.
I want to find the patterns in your soul and name them constellations
You’ll never get them until they work against you.
This place isn’t free, you know.
Except for immigrants CA CHING!
I’d love to be the one to wish away your problems and issues on the clouds you kick to the ground but you’re nothing but a diamond cut condescending condolence to be sent back and forth between the commiserated and contradictions. You’re a paradox in a universe of carrot topped cabinet rockers stealing food stamps and cupboards from the few of us who’ve earned enough to say the energy we spend on emphasizing our ethos was worth enough time to mark it down on the checks we send. Set your head straighter than the path you walk because you’ll end up walking backwards down main street sending twisted metal and cigarette breaks jeering as you cross the double yellow line between success and regret. You are the bastion of the pasts mortal enemy but you still consort with your sworn villains. Why do you ask?
You’re not worthy enough to render feeling and warmth whole enough to conduct the storms about your head, and by worthy I mean human, and by human I mean mistaken. You’re stuck in the parables of ineptitude and wrongness, because you’re too fucking stubborn to open up your legs and let the breeze slide itself in and plant a seed in your sin. It’d be too much to ask you to float with the birds but until your wings grow back I think you’d prefer to be biting the curb and it’s absurd how you decide that an I miss you means I hate you, there’s never enough words to describe the dramatic acts for a kiss on the cheek and a pat on the back, but I think pathetic and hopeless would suffice for a quarter of your artifice. Let’s batter the stench of pain in senseless threats and hope the flour rises high enough to blot out the sun. A knife may be enough to set you free from the knots you’ve tied but until you cut your hair and sharpen your knives you’re going to be sucked into the fan blades of grass of the ground you refuse to touch, be honest with yourself. Your games are boyish and your heart is plush.
You are the head rush, the wet spots on leather after the downpour. You are the missed opportunities reaching back to touch the space between rationality and closed doors.
Move forward, or stagnate somewhere else. I’m sick of your aneurysms and blood clots, I’d rather place this unwritten novel upon the shelf.